May 02

Have some coke and a hug

My friend’s wife works in an ER, and sometimes it can be pretty depressing. The other day she mentioned they were seeing a 13 year old who tested positive for cocaine.

“Go home and hug your kids and tell them not to do cocaine,” she told me.

I did.

The girls were pretty bummed, of course, but you gotta draw the line somewhere.

It’s called parenting.

May 01

The Bible and Missouri summers

My friend Bruce used to teach the Primary class at church. One muggy July evening he had taken his class outside, and they were walking around the church.

About half way around, one of the boys had grown tired of the heat and offered this:

“The Bible says, ‘If a man sweats, let him go inside.'”

Apr 26

False Morel

Last week when my brother Nube and I were mushroom hunting, he found a false morel. The mushroom is toxic, but can supposedly be prepared to be edible (I’ll decline, thanks).

false_morel2

Apr 25

The girl and the fish

As Bill Cosby would say, I told you the previous story to tell you this story.

Several years ago when my girls were about five and seven, Heather and I took them hiking at Ha Ha Tonka state park in Camdenton, Missouri. After we had hiked from the castle all the way down past the spring to the island, Heather stayed back to rest while I took the girls hiking around the island.

As we rounded the last leg of the trail, we came upon a dead bass on the shore, probably about six or seven pounds. It was really bloated, and I couldn’t help think back to Wilxn’s story.

While I stood there mentally noting the difference between boys and girls, my seven year old asked me:

“Can we poke it with a stick?”

Apr 24

Wilxn and the cow

My friend Wilxn was telling me about the time when he was 12 and he and some friends found a dead cow.

“It was all dead and bloated,” he started. “So I grabbed a long stick–”

“You poked it?” I asked incredulously.

“I didn’t even get the chance,” he said. “It just exploded!”

Apr 23

Wilkson

My friend Wilkson always had a hard time with people misreading or mispronouncing his name: Wilkerson, Wilskerin, Wilkerins, Wilskerinson, etc.

But I think I have come up with a clean, phonetic replacement: Wilxn.

I realize there is a small chance it could be pronounced wilzn, but I’m willing to take my chances.

Apr 22

Why is your nose so flat?

When my friend’s son was about three I was teasing him.

“Why is your nose so flat?” I asked.

“It’s got boogers in it!” he replied.

Apr 19

Free Wallpaper: concretius

Well, I’m back, and I brought you a present: my first free wallpaper.

I like my desktop wallpapers to be low contrast, low clutter (mainly  because I supply all the clutter myself with my shamefully cluttered desktop).

concretius 1600 x 1200

Concretius is available in 1600 x 1200 (standard) and 1440 x 900 (wide). Just right click and Save As (Windows) or Option-Click (Mac).

Enjoy.

Apr 13

The debt that all men pay

Due to a death in the family, blogging will be light to nil this week.

Apr 09

Dad stories: grandpa shot a man in the back

It’s not as nefarious as it sounds. It was the middle of the depression and my grandpa Roy had a small farm. In the middle of the night he heard some racket, and saw someone riding off on a horse. The stranger had one of my grandpa’s pigs under his arm.

So grandpa grabbed his shotgun and fired, peppering the thief’s back with bird-shot. 

It turned out the would-be thief was one of grandpa’s in-laws. It took them hours to pick all the shot out of his back.

They tell me that years later at family reunions they would always tease the guy.

“Talk to Roy lately?”