Nov 01

Perfection

I recently worked on a computer for someone.
While I was there, the guy was at another desk eating his lunch.

It sounded like this:

munch munch Munch Munch MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

with his mouth open

smick smack smick smack munch munch MUNCH MUNCH

While I continued to type away

clickity typity clickity typity backspace backspace typity

munch munch munch MUNCH MUNCH smack MUNCH

typity typity

BURP!

sigh.

Then he had to blow his nose

Sffththththt! Psfthththt! Sbbbththt!

gag.

But I couldn’t help but feel that there was something missing.

I needed only wait another five minutes.

PPBBBPBBBBBBPBT!

Perfection.

Oct 27

Overheard: 30 year old female

“Why come my mines ain’t ringin’?”

Oct 25

Tales from Hop-Hop Land: Chapter 1

One of my children used to have an imaginary friend, a rabbit named Hop-Hop Bunny, who had a brother named Hop-Hop. They were from Hop-Hop Land (I know you didn’t see that coming). We heard several Hop-Hop Bunny stories from the time our daughter was in preschool through first grade.

One day we were working in the garden, when this conversation took place:

DAUGHTER: Hop-Hop Bunny’s brother said ‘#$@!’

ME: (calmly) Maybe Hop-Hop Bunny’s brother needs slapped in the mouth.

DAUGHTER: Yeah; he’s bad.

Oct 23

Overheard: 60 year old male

“I ran into a girl online that I hadn’t seen since gradeschool. She asked me how I was doing. How do you sum up 50 years of your life in one sentence?”

(pauses)

“It sucks!”

Oct 21

Survey results: super power

A couple weeks ago I posted a survey asking readers what they thought my super power was; here are the results:

  • reading minds
  • human lie detector
  • Encyclopedia Man – able to recall facts on anything whether relevant or not.
  • super creativity

The third one seems most  accurate to me, plus the submitter helpfully included a superhero name. The first two rather baffle me: while I don’t think I am terrible at judge of character, I definitely wouldn’t put myself in super power class.

The last one is very complimentary, but I can’t be objective about it’s accuracy.

Oct 19

Book question

[SURVEYS 4]

Oct 17

Alms for the poor

Back in the 60s my grampa, my dad, and my uncle used to drive to Kansas City to stay in an apartment and work all week, then drive back home to southern Missouri on the weekends. Dad said when they got back to the apartment, my uncle would get out an old can and say, in his most pitiful voice:

“Alms, alms for the poor!”

Dad and Grampa would laugh and throw change in his can.

Dad said they thought it was pretty funny–until the end of the month when my uncle had an extra $20.

Oct 15

Overheard: 11 year old male

“I hope no girls find me attractive when I’m in high school. I’m going to be a geek like my big brother; no girls try to date him.”

Oct 14

Welcome aboard!

Yay! Heather is ditching her blog and joining MadMania. I’ve already imported all the posts from her old site, and I’ll get to work soon on setting posts to display the author so as to minimize confusion.

Oct 09

Pickle-faced

verb, adjective; to face a chair toward a wall and/or turn its back to a person. Example: “She’s pickle-faced her chair and won’t come out.”

The word, its usage, and the example I just used came to me in a dream last night.

After some research I have found out that it is actually a word, describing someone making a sour face. The weird thing was that I hadn’t heard the phrase before my dream.