Mar 25
“…for those men are most apt to be obsequious and conciliating abroad who are under the discipline of shrews at home.
Their tempers, doubtless, are rendered pliant and malleable in the fiery furnace of domestic tribulation, and a curtain lecture is worth all the sermons in the world for teaching the virtues of patience and long-suffering.
A termagant wife may, therefore, in some respects, be considered a tolerable blessing; and if so, Rip Van Winkle was thrice blessed.”
Mar 20
Spring 2002, a long time ago.
I was out of work–me and everyone else but two people from my old job were laid off right before Christmas.
I’m standing in downtown Kansas City. The photo is super-grainy because we are using a 1.2 megapixel Kodak I got from the aforementioned job. The camera was as big as a medium-size hardback, and just as heavy.
I don’t know what’s in my jacket pocket there, but it’s probably clove cigarettes. I had started smoking right before Christmas; Heather and I couldn’t afford to get each other a real present, but she insisted I at least get something.
Besides, the tobacconist’s was right next door to the toy store.
I grew the massive goatee during that time, and I finally trimmed it a few months after I started my current job. The long, tangly hair stayed for another 6 years.
It’s pure Providence I got hired at all: in addition to the hair and the goatee, I wore all black to the HR interview.
I wasn’t teaching Sunday School yet–that was still another year off, and so was giving up cigarettes.
The taste for cloves still lingers, though; I put them in pie filling, French Toast, and every autumn and winter I make hot spiced cider.
Mar 17
I saw this movie before I had read the book. In fact, I had barely even heard of the book. So I had no expectations going into it, either good or bad.
It wasn’t very good. The very first conversation in the movie already seems out of place–stating a situation that already seems to defy any explanation. The rest of the movie isn’t much better. The plot is pretty lame, and the surprise villain couldn’t have been more obvious if he had one of those Snidely Whiplash mustaches. The plot seems kind of cheezy.
None of the characters are interesting or likable, and I actually kind of disliked Percy. Also, none of the obstacles he faced were really that challenging for him; everything, including facing a Gorgon, is just mildly inconvenient.
——–
Since then I have read the book (I’m actually on the third of the five books). The book, unlike the movie, is well-written and interesting; I was hooked by the fourth page. Having read the book, you realize that the movie is not just ‘not very good,’ but actively terrible, and a really crummy interpretation of the book. For the sake of comparison, imagine if they had made a movie of The Hobbit that left out Smaug. And Gollum. And Gandalf. And the plot wasn’t about the dwarves going to reclaim their treasure. And Bilbo was already a seasoned fighter. The movie is that untrue to the book.
It’s a real shame, too. The book is tailor-made for a brilliant film franchise, but they would really have to reboot it already.
Mar 16
The new Alice in Wonderland movie is not terrible, but it is not that great either. The basic premise is that 13 years after her original adventures, as recorded by Lewis Carroll, Alice falls down a rabbit hole and returns to Wonderland, finding it a much darker place, and must fight to save it from the clutches of the Red Queen. Somehow this became a boring movie.
All of the characters except one are rather flat and uninteresting, and you don’t care about any of them. The sole exception is Helena Bonham Carter’s Red Queen, who is the only character that seems to have any depth and is interesting to watch.
Overall, the movie is just more Tim Burton (everything kind of goofy-creepy and corpsey) and more Danny Elfman (oopa-OOPA-oopa-OOPA).
And yes, in case you heard, there is a pretty dumb breakdancing scene at the end.
Mar 15
Recently Heather and I took a short weekend off together to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary.
As most of you know, I love Irish Stew. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find a place that serves it that isn’t called ‘Dan’s House.’
For those of you who don’t know, Irish Stew is lamb, potatoes, carrots, and leeks. Its unique flavor comes largely from the lamb and thyme, but from the leeks to some extent.
O’Dowd’s Little Dublin at Zona Rosa serves an Irish stew minus the leeks and with no detectable thyme, but they have added beef. At first I thought this was a good idea, but the problem is that the beef flavor runs wild over the lamb and crowds out the unique flavor. Overall the stew was a really great beef stew, but just a mediocre Irish Stew. While my palate was disappointed, my ego was gratified that my stew is better. I’m not saying my stew is more authentic, because I wouldn’t know, but I do think it’s better.
Heather, however, had some pork chops with mushrooms and a side of asparagus, and it was pretty amazing.
She also absolutely loved her bread pudding, both fresh and warm as well as cold from the motel fridge.
Our waitress, Jennifer, was very nice and we didn’t have to wait for anything.
Overall, O’Dowd’s was nice enough, but the high-backed seats were a little shallow and the place felt plain old American, and not the least bit Irish.
Feb 22
I tried to give B some space to finish posting what happened the rest of his trip, but I guess he didn’t feel like it. He made it back to work OK, but he didn’t wanna talk about it. He looks like he’s aged 10 years. On the flip side, he should be able to get into R-rated movies now without getting carded.
Feb 15
They stopped near a little island somewhere in the Caribbean so we could go ashore and wander around (I guess they had already scoped the island to make sure there weren’t any cannibals or something). Me and the guys are just kind of hanging out there in the shallows taking in the scenery when I feel something scrape past my leg–IT WAS A TIGER SHARK!
You ever see those lizards that run on top of the water? Yeah, I totally did that. I made it all the way to the beach.
Now everybody calls me ‘chum.’
Feb 14
I swear, this better be the last thing that goes on this cruise or I’m gonna do something felonious.
First, a story: one time when I was three I got separated from my mom in the store. I was cool, so I just walked up to the chick in the toy section and started talking about my Hot Wheels and how I was gonna be a cowboy when I grew up. I thought we were getting along pretty well and I was just about to share some of my crackers that I had stuffed in my overalls pocket when she goes, “What’s your name?”
“Hey,” I said, “I’m B.”
I’m just about to ask her name when I hear:
WILL THE MOTHER OF B PLEASE REPORT TO THE TOY SECTION.
I look around, and then look back and it was–well, whatever her name was–making the overhead announcement. I never found out her name, because she sold me out and I was done talking to her. I just glared at her for the next minute until my mom showed up and gave me the usual lecture about wandering off and stuff.
So anyway I’m on the ship up on the recreation deck near the pool, chatting up some gorgeous babes when the Recreation Director comes up, and he’s all like, “Excuse me, young man, but this deck is for adults only.” He’s pretty nice about it, as nice as a guy can be when he’s interrupting me trying to get to know some ladies. Jerk.
The ladies think this is rather funny. But I’m cool about it. I’m like, “Hey, man, I happen to be a paying passenger on this cruise, so like, lighten up.”
It was an honest mistake, as I do have rather youthful good looks.
So then he’s like, “May I see your ticket please?”
So I roll my eyes and reach into my back pocket and pull out my hand–because I apparently left my wallet in my room. So I tell him, “Hey, it looks like I left my wallet in my room.” I’m just about to give him my room number and stuff when he goes, “What’s your name?”
“Hey, I’m B,” and then he reaches for his pocket CB or whatever those breaker-breaker things are called.
WILL THE PARENT OF B PLEASE COME RETRIEVE HIM FROM THE RECREATION DECK.
The girls think this is quite funny. After about a minute and a half my buddies show up. They’re doubled over, I figured because they got tore up, but no: they, along with the babes, are laughing at my misfortune. At least they convince Recreation Director First Class With Honors that I am, in fact, a legal adult old enough to run for the House of Representatives.
He felt real bad about it, and had the galley send me up a big bunch of shrimp and stuff, but it still didn’t bring the babes back.
