Woman: “We have medium, and there are large behind you. What size do you need?”
Rotund Guy: “Texas!”
Mar 04
2010 Hummer H4
“It addresses a real need.”
So says David Puncil, head of GM’s flagging Hummer line of sport utility vehicles.
“Our customers have given us a lot of feedback, and we’ve listened,” he says.
“Over and over again our customers told us they want an oversized mammoth of a vehicle that takes up a lot of room, looks pretentious, and increases our dependence on foreign oil. Somehow, the H3 just isn’t cutting it.”
“Sure it wastes a lot of fuel when I’m driving,” wrote one customer, “But what about when I’m not driving?”
Puncil has the answer: the 2010 Hummer H4, which includes a specially designed, computer controlled, chrome spigot from the fuel tank that actually leaks gasoline directly onto the ground; an innovative feature for the already $70,000 SUV.
“Now our customers can squander as much fuel as they want–just one other way they can say ‘Hey, look at me, I am obviously wealthy and feel the need to show it by wasteful consumption!'”
Of course, the H4 will continue to sport the trademark steel rings on the bumper.
When asked, Puncil admitted that the research for the H4’s new technologies was expensive.
“I just want to thank the American taxpayer. Without you, none of this would have been possible.”
Mar 01
A Long Ordeal
Heather went in for gall bladder surgery on Thursday. It was an outpatient procedure, and we were supposed to walk out some time Thursday afternoon.
We didn’t leave the hospital until Saturday afternoon.
The surgery itself went fine, but recovery took some time due to complications, so we ended up staying quite some time and getting more tests done.
I’m not bitter at all; I would much rather stay a little too long than have left a little too early. The staff was wonderful and took very good care of Heather.
However, it made for a long three days. Plus, the hospital didn’t have a public wireless network (cue tiny violin music).
On the plus side, I did get a few hundred pages into The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris, which is so far, excellent.
Feb 21
Overheard: bugs
“They put everything under the microscope. They’re like, ‘If it’s a bug, kill it and put it under the microscope.'”
Feb 20
An I.T. Primer
I’m an I.T. guy, and proud of it. I like fixing stuff. However, most of the techniques I use are readily available to you with little to no real training.
The following are some basic I.T. tips that will help you, no matter what your skill level, troubleshoot not only computers, but also toasters, cars, etc.
UPDATE: Kaleb very astutely pointed out that a new #3 was in order, and he was right.
Long Version
- Is it plugged in? I know it hurts your pride when we ask you this, but it is a pertinent question. We ask this question because a) it is the easiest and simplest troubleshooting step, b) without this step all other troubleshooting is useless, and c) even the best I.T. guy has probably learned this the hard way at some point.
- Is it plugged all the way in? I have frequently been dispatched to work on a device that appeared to be plugged in, but was only plugged in enough to hold the cable in place, but not enough to make contact.
- Is it really plugged in? Check it again. If you wouldn’t confidently wager $1000 on it, then you need to check it.
- Is there anything between the device and the power source? This means extension cords, power strips, grounding adapters, anything.
- Will anything else work in the same power outlet? Try a nightlight or something simple that you know is functional to test with.
- Is it turned on? Again, a very basic question that causes no end of indignation on the other end of the phone.
- Turn it off and turn it back on. It’s amazing what this fixes: computers, cars, VCRs, DVD players, TVs, scanners.
Short Version
- Unplug it and replug it.
- Remove anything between the device and the power source.
- Try something else in the same outlet.
- Turn it on.
- Turn it off and then back on.
Feb 20
Overheard: hair
“I don’t know. You lose the hair on your head, and you get it in other spots you don’t want it.”
Feb 18
Gray’s Café in Butler, Missouri
We went in for breakfast at a quarter to 10. The food was excellent; I had the Country Boy breakfast with bacon, eggs, and pancakes. The bacon was crisp, the eggs were done just how I asked, and the pancakes were flat-out awesome.
If you like sissified coffee, then this place is not for you: their coffee hot and strong (like I like my women).
Our waitress was cheerful, quick, and efficient.
The only thing I can say against the restaurant is this: the smoke. Gray’s Café consists of one small room, and it is a smoking restaurant. Because of this, you are going to both smell and smell like cigarette smoke.
Side note: a middle-aged guy with a feed cap and suspenders who was dining alone gave up his table and moved so that they could seat a family of four at his table. That kind of courtesy is so seldom seen that it bears noting.
Overall: 4.5/5 stars
Gray’s Café
404 N. Orange ST
Butler, MO
660-679-6622
[mappress]
Feb 14
Traditional Irish Blessing
“May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.”
