Sep 11

Pastrydultery

I have long despised bananas. Maybe ‘despised’ is too harsh, but I certainly was not fond them. Before July I only ate maybe four bananas a year, just whenever I got a potassium-deficiency-induced craving. Since being diagnosed with diverticulitis, I have changed my diet significantly for the better, and eat 1-2 bananas a day.

But I may accurately state that I have always despised banana bread. And zucchini bread, squash bread, and all other heavy breads with vegetables in them. I loathe them all. Heather, being an amazing pastry chef, makes lots of other nice things anyway.

So back in the spring Kaleb brought in a dessert his wife, Mrs. Kaleb, had made. Kaleb, being a keen observer pretty much everything in a 120′ radius of his person, knew of my hatred.

KALEB: “So I got this dessert I want you to try. It’s made with banana br–.”

ME: “I don’t like banana bread.”

KALEB: “I know you don’t like banana bread, but this is so amazing.”

So I tried it. I can’t remember the exact composition, but it was made from 2 white chocolate chip banana bread cakes sandwiched with peanut butter, and frosted with a mixture of chocolate chips and cream cheese.

It was so amazing. Even so, I forgot about it.

Fast forward a month. We go to the birthday party for Kaleb’s little girl, aka, The World’s Most Adorable Baby.

It was a great party, and we had a blast, despite how sad I look in the Facebook pictures. And, we had some incredible strawberry cupcakes (I think I had like four, and they made me take two more home).

Right before we left, Kaleb mentioned something about the recipe for Mrs. Kaleb’s chocolate-cream cheese-peanut butter-banana bread sandwich.

“Oh, Daniel doesn’t like banana bread,” Heather said.

“Really? Kaleb said he loved the one I sent to work,” said Mrs. K.

Uh oh. Busted.

“Oh really?” asked Heather

It was one of those, ‘He never drinks two cups of coffee at home,’ moments, except with the implication that because I had enjoyed another woman’s desserts (in the most literal sense), I had somehow committed an infidelity, at least on a pastry level.

But, I seem to have gotten away with it.

Well, except for the marriage counseling.

Sep 08

ride the pine

To be stuck sitting on the bench during a baseball game.

Sep 05

I sold my van to rock and roll

Several years ago our church purchased a new (to us) bus. We had finally outgrown our 15 passenger van, and due to the cost of insurance to even own the thing, let alone drive it, we decided to sell it. We parked it out in front of the church with a phone number and a dollar amount.

A couple of weeks passed. I was driving home from work and the pastor called me. It seems someone wanted to buy our van–sight unseen–for the full amount. All we had to do was drive it to the Ford dealership in Concordia, about 10 miles away. I called up Bruce, and we agreed to meet at the church, I’d drive the van, and he’d follow me to Concordia.

The trip there was uneventful. Concordia is a small, German town with quite a few places to eat for such a small population. I pulled into a space in front of the Ford dealership.

Walking down the street toward the dealership was an odd group of guys. Guys in skinny jeans, leather bracelets, mascara and hairspray. Then I realized they were walking toward the van. I used to hang with several bands, and none of them I knew wore their stage clothes when they weren’t on-stage.

It turns out they were members of two bands, who had been touring from the west coast in an old GMC Safari. Yes, a Safari is a minivan, and it would be uncomfortable for one band; I have no idea how they fit two bands in there. Anyway, the GMC had died and they needed a vehicle fast if they were going to continue their tour. We told them it had some problems (nothing major as far as we knew), and they told us that they needed a van, and needed one now. Bruce and I signed over the title and took a stack of hundred-dollar bills from them.

We couldn’t stop laughing on the drive home; we only wished we had thought to get a picture of our church van’s new owners.

A few months later I related this tale to The Bob, who used to attend our church.

“That’s funny,” he said, “We sold our old church bus to a rock and roll band, too.”

Sep 03

Give it a lick and a promise

I first heard this idiom last year some time from a woman at work. At first I thought it meant something vaguely dirty, so I figured I better look it up. It simply means to do a hasty job, or to do a job with the most minimal effort.

It’s funny that I first heard its antonym also at work within the last year.

Sep 01

yeoman’s job

To do a great job and/or perform a loyal service.

“He did a real yeoman’s job on that patio.”

UPDATE: ‘yeoman’ is pronounced YO-mun, not YEE-O-MAN.

Aug 30

I tried carrot juice

And it is nasty.

Aug 25

Ace Days: Military

I used to work for the late Tom Runge of Ace R/C.

Since Ace was a small company, you often got pulled off of your regular job to help do any number of things like driving people to the airport or unloading heavy boxes of catalogs. One day I was helping Tom and several older guys unload a semi. As we were doing it, I looked around and came to a realization.

“Am I the only one here who was never in the military?” I asked.

“I wasn’t in the military,” Tom said with a smile. “I was in the Air Force.”

Aug 23

usufruct

YOOS-uh-fruct. n., the right to enjoy the use of another’s property, apart from wasting or destroying it.

“It was the bridegroom’s duty and interest to see that the dowry was duly paid. He enjoyed the usufruct of it during his life, and not unfrequently it was employed….” –Archibald Sayce, Babylonians and Assyrians, Life and Customs.

It is an interesting and unusual word, but is seems like you could simply employ the word ‘use‘ in its place.

Aug 21

Quotable: Matthew Henry

“Note, it is a sin against God not to pray for the Israel of God, especially for those of them that are under our charge.”

“Our rule is to pray without ceasing; we sin if we restrain in general, and in particular if we cease praying for the church.”

–Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible, 1 Samuel 7

Aug 18

Overheard: 28 year old female

“I see that you have insanity. How do you like it?”