Quotable: Ronald Reagan

“Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.”

Quotable: Samuel Johnson

“Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.”

Free Wallpaper: Cupric

 

I shot this on the inside, exterior sill of the Western Auto building in downtown Kansas City.

Cupric  is available in 1600 x 1200. Just right click and Save As (Windows) or Option-Click (Mac).

 

 

 

attendance quiz

Back when I was in art school, I served two semesters of hard time in Dr. McDermott’s ‘art in the dark’ (art history) class. I both loathed and loved that class; it was so amazingly hard and fascinating at the same time. McDermott was thoroughly convinced that you could not learn the history of art without learning the history of the world–so he crammed two hours of lecture into one class period every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. When I got an A in the first semester course, I knew I had really earned it.

One of the things McDermott would do to incentivize attendance and punctuality (and punish those who had yet to develop those qualities) was to give an attendance quiz. He would hawkishly watch the clock until the precise stroke of 8, and then instruct those present to write their name on a piece of paper and hand it to the right to be collected.

One morning seconds after we had passed our papers in, the girl who sat next to me shambled to her seat.

“Dr. McDermott, can I hand in my quiz?”

“No, you may not; the criteria for an attendance quiz is to be present and on time.”

“So it’s like I’m not even here?”

“Correct.”

So she angrily grabbed her things and walked out. Class continued.

I guess she thought she made her point, but really it was her loss: we all took 6-10 pages of handwritten notes each class period over the in-class lecture–testable information not available in the 40 lb textbook.

I’ve heard no one has less sympathy for smokers than ex-smokers; I believe it. I used to be chronically late to everything. Maybe it was Dr. McDermott that helped me break that filthy habit.

I drove 30 miles to park 6 blocks away so I could walk uphill to the far side of the campus and I learned to make it on time.

Consequently, I had no pity for her.

Overheard: 28 yr old woman

“I’ve been banned from yoga, so my whole bottom half is bigger.”

Quotable: General Sternwood from The Big Sleep

“Hum, nice state of affairs when a man has to indulge his vices by proxy.”

I thought of this as I brought in donuts for the guys this morning.

Most loved and overlooked

Probably one of the gifts I most appreciate–and most take for granted–is a gift that is quite common in the 21st century United States. Most people have it, it is free, and it is available to all. In fact, it is even imposed on a good deal of people quite against their wills–as it was with me.

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me how much I love books. I love shopping for them, acquiring them, repairing them. Of course I love reading them; the aforementioned verbs were merely symptomatic of a bibliophilic life. As I have mentioned earlier, some of my earliest happy memories involve books.

But it wasn’t always so.

Literacy was forced upon me in first grade. I had no desire to read. It wasn’t that I was proud of my ignorance or deficiency, but I simply didn’t realize I was ignorant, and wasn’t aware that I was missing anything. Learning to read was easy for me–too easy, probably. It unlocked nothing for me, solved no problems.

From the time I was three I was always drawing and always watching cartoons. Decades after I developed a genuine love for the written word, I would still denigrate writing as the dumb stepbrother of drawing. I remember in one of my many cartooning books the author had stated, “Good writing will carry bad art, but good art won’t carry bad writing.” It was the most heretical blasphemy at the time, but now so obviously true.

There was only one story that I cared about as a small child–The Legend of Sleepy Hollow–and that was because Dad told it to me. Right before bed. When I was three. I loved, and was terrified by, that story.

So when Mom gave me $5 to go take to the first grade book sale to get whatever I wanted, all I wanted was information, not stories. Specifically, information on snakes and dinosaurs. After that lack of literature, I would get my book choices supervised.

Still, Mom did do one very clever thing: she bought lots of children’s books, and then promptly did not make me read them. Just left them around the house. When we hit garage sales, action figures were maybes, but books were almost guaranteed to be approved (providing they weren’t about snakes or dinosaurs).

Tonight I started The Secret of Lost Things by Sheridan Hay. I’m still in the middle of reading The Fatal Shore by Robert Hughes. As I write this I am flanked by a giant pile of books, two large bookshelves full of books (one of which I built), and in the midst of typing this I had to give in to the sudden urge to purchase Burton Raffel’s translation of Beowulf.

I realize that I owe a debt of gratitude to the following people:

  • My mom and dad
  • Mrs. Handley
  • Benjamin Rush
  • Benjamin Franklin
  • Robertson Memorial Library
  •  Trails Regional Library, Corder branch
  • Mrs. Sheehan
  • Mrs. Redden
  • Mrs. Smith
  • Mrs. Alfino
  • Mrs. Craig
  • Any of you who have ever given me a good book

If you can read this, give thanks to God that you have working eyes and a working brain, and give thanks to the parent or teachers who taught you how to read, or how to read better.

Crime and Punishment

I just finished programming a robot that evaluates life forms and if determined to be human, follows a pretty straightforward If/Then sequence:

IF [CHEWING_GUM_WITH_MOUTH_OPEN=TRUE]
THEN [PUNCH_IN_THROAT]

If you happen to receive a punch in the throat due to said activity, I’m sorry.

But you had it coming.

Overheard: 30 yr old male

“I guess I’m at the bottom of the universe right now.”

‘scuse me while I kiss this guy

I don’t know how long people have been mishearing lyrics to songs; I guess as long as there have been songs. Of course ‘Excuse me while I kiss this guy,’ from Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze is probably the most famous. For years a female I won’t mention thought that song in Austin Powers was Secret Asian Man, and one of my old bandmates thought that line from the Beatles’ Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was, ‘A girl with colitis goes by.’

My brother frequently misheard lyrics, though he tended to hear things that I won’t print on this blog. He even misheard bilingually. In Beck’s Loser, he thought for sure that soy un perdedor (I’m a loser) was soy un…something else.

A few years ago I was walking with The Bob and I mentioned the Casting Crowns song In Me.

ME: You know how it says, ‘I’d give my last breath for Your glory?’

THE BOB: Yeah.

ME: For a long time, I thought it said, ‘I’d kill my best friend for Your glory.’

THE BOB: Gulp.