Dan Poynter

Author's posts

Not the N-word

There is an infrequently used word that describes someone who is stingy or miserly. You logophiles out there probably know the word I am talking about. For the rest of you, here it is: niggard If this word is new to you, it has no racial connotations. After the definition, the New Oxford American Dictionary …

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Juhk

n. the epithet ‘jerk’ when pronounced with a non-rhotic accent; rhymes with ‘buck.’ Example: “Pahk the cah in the Hahvad Yahd, ya juhk.”

Pardon us

I wish to apologize to the people who sat behind us at the spring concert at the middle school. It was quite rude of us to schedule and play a concert right in the middle of your conversation. My only regret is that we didn’t pick a more intuitive location for a concert other than …

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I’m friendsick

We had been out of town for a couple of weeks due to a death in the family, and as we heard later, our daughter’s best friend took the absence kind of hard. Finally one day she sat down mopily and said: “I’m friendsick.”

The best there is at what I do, but what I do isn’t very nice

X-Men Origins: Wolverine isn’t really that great of a movie. It doesn’t stink like X-Men 3, but it doesn’t rock like X-Men 1 & 2. The movie has a number of completely superfluous characters who, if you removed them from the movie, wouldn’t change the plot one bit, Gambit and The Blob being the most …

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Senior Coffee

The McDonald’s I get my coffee at frequently gives me a discounted senior coffee. I figured it was because they liked me, or they just like rewarding their frequent fliers, not because of all the gray in my beard. But some time ago I was at a McDonald’s in downtown Kansas City and they gave …

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Share everything

Several years ago a friend of mine was eating some chips. His five year old son (who was supposed to be getting in bed), came up behind him. “Can I have some of your chips?” “No.” His son paused for a few seconds and then said: “The Bible says you have to share everything.” My …

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My Grandma’s curse

According to my Aunt Carol, my grandma used to curse people. You know, as in the hex kind of curse. When my aunt got married, Grandma made this proclamation: “You will never own a home as long as you are married to him.” According to my aunt, the curses always came true. I didn’t see it …

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Have some coke and a hug

My friend’s wife works in an ER, and sometimes it can be pretty depressing. The other day she mentioned they were seeing a 13 year old who tested positive for cocaine. “Go home and hug your kids and tell them not to do cocaine,” she told me. I did. The girls were pretty bummed, of …

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The Bible and Missouri summers

My friend Bruce used to teach the Primary class at church. One muggy July evening he had taken his class outside, and they were walking around the church. About half way around, one of the boys had grown tired of the heat and offered this: “The Bible says, ‘If a man sweats, let him go …

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