A few years ago while I was mourning over a recent death I went out to see my friend and mentor, The Bob. As we kicked around the farm doing random chores we took cover from the frigid January rain inside one of his many out-buildings.
Very seriously he said, “I wish I could hurt for ya, brother, but I can’t. But you will get over this.”
“Yeah,” I said non-commitally.
Then quite jovially he said, “But not as fast as I will!”
And then he burst out in big, booming laughter.
If you didn’t know The Bob, or if you didn’t know our sense of humor, you might think that to be rather cruel. In fact it was quite the opposite–it was really quite a relief.
Few things are as hurtful and angering to someone in pain as to minimize what they are experiencing. Instead of saying something like, “It’s not that bad,” The Bob’s statement was a brilliant (and morbidly hilarious) affirmation that yes, it really was that bad, yes, this was a really painful experience, and yes, it was going to be painful for a long time. Plus, he acknowledge a very simple truth: I really would eventually get past it, and he really would get over it before I would.
That kind of honesty and acknowledgement of pain was really refreshing.
Comments are closed.