Nov 4 2016

Zerk

When I was growing up I remember hearing the term ‘grease zert,’ and I just assumed it was a made-up word. While my dad was skilled at a lot of things (drawing, aviation, mechanics,welding), he was not always known to handle the English language in a manner consistent with the generally agreed upon principles of usage (he once wrote the word ‘paided’ as a past tense for ‘pay’).

But it turns out that in this case he was pretty darn close:

images

See more of the etymology here at Merriam-Webster.

Pic borrowed from Currie Enterprises.

 

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Nov 1 2016

Nicest thing I ever did

One day I was walking down the hall at work and a woman I knew from another department was walking down the hall the other way toward the public hallway that crossed the entire hospital. Just as I was about to enter my department, I turned and saw, a two-foot long piece of toilet paper hanging from the waistband of her skirt. Just hanging down, perfectly straight.

Normally in these situations I freeze and stupidly watch the oncoming train wreck in in slow motion, but this time I sprung into action.

“Britney–you have something on the back of your skirt!”

Needless to say Britney was quite happy to have only been seen by one person in a security-locked hallway instead of THE ENTIRE HOSPITAL.

But, it’s not like we became fast friends after that or anything. In fact later she would become one of Those Users who make it onto The List.

Nonetheless, I’m still glad to have saved someone from a fate that pretty much ensures you have to quit your job, change your name, go off-grid, and move to Malawi.

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Oct 29 2016

Overheard: 40 yr old woman

“The dryer smelled like cat pee. Inside the dryer.”

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Oct 26 2016

Crazaeh

In the 1987 Starship song “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now,” whenever Grace Slick sings the line, “Let ’em say we’re crazy,” she actually sounds kind of crazy. Listen for yourself:

crazay.mp3

‘LET ‘EM SAY WE’RE CRAZAEH!”

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Oct 23 2016

Ineffective ads

I saw this ad on a programming website. I’m not sure why they thought that having a bored, sickly, stick woman would want to make me buy a sweater, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Your heroin boat, obviously.

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Oct 23 2016

Overheard: 50 yr old man

“You were apple-and-oranging me!”

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Sep 29 2016

Overheard: some dude

“Mayo is a poor life choice, man.”

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Sep 26 2016

This was on the desk of a user I was assisting

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Sep 23 2016

What kind of printer do you have?

HP? Brother? Konica-Minolta?

Whatever it is, it’s not as cool as:

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Sep 20 2016

Mango mouth

We went on a missions trip to the Philippines this summer. It was incredibly hot, the people were very nice, and the food was great. We had mangos with nearly every meal, and they were amazing. Big yellow mangos with rich golden flesh.

But while we were there, Allison and I developed some pretty harsh chapped lips. Mine were certainly uncomfortable–she developed tiny blisters around her mouth. I thought we had gotten too much sun, or maybe a reaction against the local water or something. Everyone else on the trip was fine.

Anyhoo, a couple of weeks after we got back to the states, I found those same mangos at the Walmart in Warrensburg, so I snatched them up. A few days later, my lips were chapped again. And so were Allison’s. Later in the week I was wracking my brain to see why we were the only ones. For some reason I decided to Google ‘mango chapped lips.’

It turns out they are related–mangos are in the same family as poison ivy, and for individuals who are sensitive, it can cause a reaction, which they refer to as ‘mango mouth.’ And we had both eaten mangos the same day.

If you want to see some pix, just Google ‘mango mouth.’ Enjoy!

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