I was kind of apprehensive about seeing Jumper, as it starred Hayden Christensen, whom I despised from the Star Wars prequels. However, my brother, who generally has good taste in movies, liked it alot and after much cajoling convinced me to see it.
This was the second worst movie I saw this year.
The main turd-in-the-Coke isn’t actually Hayden Christensen: it’s his character.
Spoilers follow.
He plays a kid in high school who suddenly finds that he can teleport. He uses this power to break into bank vaults and steal piles of money, beat up bullies who picked on him in school, and impress a girl. Samuel L. Jackson plays a mean guy who tries to kill him.
Early in the movie it is quite evident that his character is a lying, evasive, deceitful jerkface. But after everything he goes through, he finally learns that–well, nothing. He doesn’t learn anything; he remains the same jerk at the end of the movie as he was at the beginning of the movie. He is absolutely the most irritating protagonist since that guy in Drum Line. That is bad enough, but the real clincher is: his chicky leaves him because–guess what–he is a lying, evasive, deceitful jerkface–but then she comes back. Why?
Finally, Samuel L. Jackson fails to kill Hayden Christensen–something he should have done in Star Wars: Episode 2.
So, save yourself two hours of your life you will never ever get back and skip Jumper.
But, you may say, what will I do with my time?
Well, you could always start a blog where you spoil movies other people really like.
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