Category: stuff

Sep 18

Crime and Punishment

I just finished programming a robot that evaluates life forms and if determined to be human, follows a pretty straightforward If/Then sequence: IF [CHEWING_GUM_WITH_MOUTH_OPEN=TRUE] THEN [PUNCH_IN_THROAT] If you happen to receive a punch in the throat due to said activity, I’m sorry. But you had it coming.

Sep 11

Pastrydultery

I have long despised bananas. Maybe ‘despised’ is too harsh, but I certainly was not fond them. Before July I only ate maybe four bananas a year, just whenever I got a potassium-deficiency-induced craving. Since being diagnosed with diverticulitis, I have changed my diet significantly for the better, and eat 1-2 bananas a day. But …

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Aug 30

I tried carrot juice

And it is nasty.

Aug 18

Overheard: 28 year old female

“I see that you have insanity. How do you like it?”

Aug 09

I tie my shoes backwards

One day after several years of marriage Heather asked me, “Why do you tie your shoes backwards?” To that point in my life, I hadn’t realized I tied my shoes backwards. I couldn’t tie my shoes until well into my first grade year. I don’t know why, I just had a hard time learning it. …

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Jul 29

10 point buck

So this woman I work with had to get a new vehicle, as she and her husband were driving a truck and were getting killed by the gas prices. So they downsized to a Kia. Her husband went to visit a friend, who suggested they go deer hunting. After objecting that, hey, I would, but …

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Jul 28

Overheard: 36 year old male

On the cargo limitations of the OH58 Kiowa helicopter: “You can’t have a fat pilot and a full tank of gas.”

Jul 27

Brians!

Guys named Brian are afraid of dyslexic zombies.

Jul 26

How a grudge is like a turd

While teaching a lesson on the book of Obadiah to my church youth group , I used the following illustration: Similarities between holding a grudge and holding a turd You think it’s valuable, but everyone else sees that it is not. It makes you unpleasant to be around. You can’t get clean as long as you …

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Jul 22

Happy Pied Piper Day

On this day in 1376 (according to the poet Robert Browning) the Pied Piper led all the children from Hamelin never to be seen again.