Dan Poynter

Author's posts

Overheard: 25 yr old female

“I need to go feed my frustration monkey a banana.”

The difference

Customer: “What’s the difference between Windows Vista and Windows 7?” Me: “Vista sucks and 7 doesn’t.”

10 point buck

So this woman I work with had to get a new vehicle, as she and her husband were driving a truck and were getting killed by the gas prices. So they downsized to a Kia. Her husband went to visit a friend, who suggested they go deer hunting. After objecting that, hey, I would, but …

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Overheard: 36 year old male

On the cargo limitations of the OH58 Kiowa helicopter: “You can’t have a fat pilot and a full tank of gas.”

Brians!

Guys named Brian are afraid of dyslexic zombies.

How a grudge is like a turd

While teaching a lesson on the book of Obadiah to my church youth group , I used the following illustration: Similarities between holding a grudge and holding a turd You think it’s valuable, but everyone else sees that it is not. It makes you unpleasant to be around. You can’t get clean as long as you …

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Happy Pied Piper Day

On this day in 1376 (according to the poet Robert Browning) the Pied Piper led all the children from Hamelin never to be seen again.

Vroom-vrooms

One night my wife and daughter were helping in the church nursery. Our friend’s three year old son was in there, and he was having some difficulty walking, his hands down the back of his pants. “What are you doing?” my wife asked. “My vroom-vrooms are in my butt!” he replied. For those of you …

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“Don’t forget to squish your cat’s head!”

I guess a lot of statements make a lot more sense when heard in context. Our cat, Puck, came to live with us in November of 2009. Heather had fallen in love with him when she took her ugly dog to the vet (the same vet who told Heather her dog was ugly). Puck was entirely …

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Overheard: 38 year old male

On sitting in a leather overstuffed chair: “It’s like getting a hug from a really fat man.”