It’s that time of year again! The time of year when kind, considerate people ask of me a list of things I would like for Christmas, I pretend not to want anything and refuse to cooperate, and Heather jabs me with a pointed stick until I give. Stop it! I’m trying to typksnndstf!
Seriously, I get wonderful things for Christmas every year, and if you don’t see something on this year’s list it’s probably because you or someone else got it for me last year. If that was you—you are the best evah. If it was not, I’m not mad—I’m just hurt.
MadMan Dan’s Awesome Christmas List 2010 Edition
Blackthorn. Bring us…a shrubbery! I’m so sorry; I mean really—I’ve been waiting 20 years to use that sentence in a proper context. Blackthorn or sloe, a.k.a. prunus spinosa is a thorny shrub that grows in the UK, and the Irish use it to make shillelaghs. Besides being covered with toxic thorns the plant is also laden with sloe berries, with which sloe gin fizzes are made. Why do I want it? Because I’d like to make my own walking sticks, and the stuff’s darn hard to get. You can find it at forestfarm.com, and it runs about $13.
Set of 36 1/8” Marking Punches. Now that I am starting to acquire tools with which to fix things around the house, it would be nice to have some way to mark them with my name and lucky number.
Dremel. I had a Dremel once; I got it for free. Only got 14 years out of it. Dang it! Anyway, I need a new Dremel. I miss you Dremel! I’ll never forget all the good times we had, no how matter how nice my new one is!
Allied SwitchGrip Pliers. Words can’t describe how amazing these appear to be. Hold ‘em one way—they’re needle-nose pliers. Flip the handle around—they’re wire cutters. Amazing. The smaller the better.
Bhut Jolokia Chili Pepper Seeds. Grown in the jungle primeval by inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum. Also known as ‘The Ghost Chili,’ the world’s hottest pepper.
Books
How the Fender Bass Changed the Word by Jim Roberts. This is one of my favorite history books of all time, ranking right up there with Whisp’s Quidditch Through the Ages. Seriously, I don’t know if the history presented in the book is real or not, but it makes for darn good story, I tell you whut.
Fairy Lore: A Handbook (Greenwood Folklore Handbooks) by D. L. Ashliman. I’ll tell you this: I’m not going to Ireland without this book, blackthorn be danged.
The Magic Pudding by Norman Lindsay, hardback. This was the first book I ever owned. Lindsay was from Australia, so of course the entire book is utter nonsense. But—it’s unpretentious nonsense, unlike Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
The New Annotated Dracula by Leslie Klinger. Presumably the nicest edition of one of the greatest books of all time.
Beowulf, translated by Burton Raffel, hardback. I remember reading that Michael Crichton (rest his gigantic zombie bones) wrote Eaters of the Dead on a dare that he couldn’t make Beowulf interesting. Whatever. Raffel’s translation is brilliant. I would like a hardback of this book, and used is fine—heck I even prefer it (especially with that old-book smell—mmmmmmmm….
Movies
Original Star Wars movies on DVD. These three movies shaped so much of my childhood, and a good portion of my adulthood. However, I got more than a little jaded with the releases of Episodes 1-3, and the Special Editioning of Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi. However, I am finally past that and ready to watch the movies again for the first time since the girls were very small. I just want whatever widescreen edition has the original, unedited, unscrewed-up versions of my childhood on them.
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. How on earth could they make a 2 hour movie out of a 3 page story? Because they’re awesome—that’s how. Buy one for yourself while you’re at it, and I promise you will love it. You deserve it.
USB to IDE/SATA 1.8, 2.5, 3.5” hard drive adapter. More of a need than a want. Runs about $20. Any brand is fine.
Wireless X-Box 360 controller. I’ve had my X-Box 360 for a year and a half and I’ve already worn one of the controllers out (cue sad music).
Apple Brood. What the heck is Brood? It’s this malt-flavored soda pop that’s bottled in Lebanon. Yes, that Lebanon. I don’t know where to order it. If you could find it in bulk, you would be winner of MadMan Dan’s Coolest Guy or Chick Ever for 2010.
Music: All Soundtracks
The Incredibles Soundtrack Score by Michael Giacchino. If you don’t think this is one of the greatest soundtracks to one of the greatest films of all time you have my pity.
Fantastic Mr. Fox Soundtrack. See above.
The Importance of Being Earnest Soundtrack by Patrick Doyle. See above.
The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom Soundtrack by David Stanton. I don’t know if this video game soundtrack even exists, but if it does: sweeeeeeeet!
The Oxford English Dictionary. 20 volumes of every single word in the English language dating back a thousand years. Say it slowly and let it roll off your lips: Ox-ford Eng-lish Dic-tion-ary. Mmmmm. For us logophiles it is the Holy Grail of lexical nerdery. Did I mention it costs $1,000?
USB Barcode Reader. Last year someone TOM whose name I will not mention TOM actually bought me the Delicious Monster book cataloguing software I asked for and never really thought I would receive THANKS TOM! So this little doodad would enable me to more efficiently enter books into my program. New or used, I’m easy to please.*
*ever notice that anytime someone says this, it’s a complete lie, and they turn out to be the kind of guy who writes a flipping novel for a Christmas list?
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