MadMania

There is a lot of confusion about the Garth Brooks song Ireland. Most people mistakenly (and logically) believe that the song is about the nation of Ireland, but in fact it is about a small town in Texas. While Brooks is a native Oklahoman, he is a keen buff of Texas history.

Ireland, Texas was founded in 1841 by Seamus O’Finn after he fled Ireland because of the potato famine. The town flourished. However, Seamus found that the Texan accent was fully developed, and the town’s name was consistently mispronounced. After O’Finn died in 1911 the town council voted to change the name to fit the residents’ pronunciation–to Arlen, Texas.

Sunday I made the first batch of chili of autumn. I know it’s not properly autumn yet, but tell that to our pumpkins that have been orange for a month.

If you don’t know me, I like to cook. I specifically like to cook chili. I started making it 11 years ago, and when I started I had no idea what I was doing. I just followed a recipe from my mother-in-law’s cookbook. I made only one substitution: tomato sauce in place of nasty stewed tomatoes, which have the texture of what I imagine a bladder would feel like on your tongue.

Since then my chili has gone through 3 major revisions. It used to be open source, but after I hit 3.0 the code went proprietary. Sunday I made a major breakthrough which launched MadMan Dan’s Amazing Chili to version 4.o. I don’t know if it was a singular component, or a confluence of three, but it came out great.

My chili is spicy, but not ‘look-how-spicy-I-can-make-my-chili spicy.’ You get a good burn on your tongue and back of your throat, and you break out in a healthy sweat.

While the exact formula is a secret (except to Kaleb), my chili contains: hamburger, steak, onion, chili powder, cayenne pepper, beans, tomato sauce, and other wonderful things.

Yes, yes, some of you are going to tell me that real Texas chili doesn’t have beans in it; blah blah blee blah. Well, I don’t make Texas chili.

I’m sorry, but this is the most mature remark I can make on that subject:

“What’s so great about dumb ‘ol Texas?”

Woman: “We have medium, and there are large behind you. What size do you need?”

Rotund Guy: “Texas!”