MadMania

So, like, my so-called friends say I look like Harry Potter, on account of my youthful appearance and resemblance to Daniel Radcliffe.

So anyway, I’m in line at the airport. I’ve already got my ticket and made it through the gate and I’m just about to step onto the plane and the Air Marshall pulls me aside. I’m like, crud, man, because, I cannot miss this flight, cuz my cruise leaves tonight.

He says, “It’s really great to meet you! You know, my daughter just loves your movies.”

“Look,” I said, “I’m not an actor. I’m just a regular guy trying to make his flight.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’d say if I was famous,” he replies.

I just stand there looking stupid, because it’s simultaneously stupid and logical.

“I would really appreciate it if you would read the first book to my daughter on the flight,” he says, smiling really big.

So now I know John put him up to this or something, so I say, “Heck no! I’m on vacation, and I’m not spending my first two hours of freedom reading to some kid!”

The smile disappears. Either this guy is really, really good, or….

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he says bitterly, eyes narrowing. And then he turns to one of his several deputies who have started to crowd around. I realize I have about 2 seconds to keep from missing this flight.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” I say contritely. “For a moment there I forgot the people who made me what I am. I’d love to read to your daughter.”

The smile returns. “I knew I could count on ya!” he says, and personally ushers me onto the plane.

Hey everybody, B here. Thanks to Mr. Poynter I’ll be using this space to let ya know what’s going on while I’m sailing the crystal waters of the Caribbean.

Enjoy the snow!

This week my friend B is going on a cruise. He wanted to keep us up to date, but didn’t want to set up his own blog, so I told him he could just upload posts to mine, so you’ll see those throughout the week.

Unfortunately, yes.

Heather and I went out on a date Saturday afternoon and saw the aforementioned romcom.

It was not that great.

The premise is that native New Yorkers Paul and Meryl Morgan (Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker) are a couple that have been separated for three months. Paul is trying to make up for the act of infidelity that caused the separation. After they finally go to dinner together, they witness a murder and have to be put into the witness protection program, and are sent to live with Clay and Emma Wheeler (Sam Elliott and Mary Steenburgen) in the tiny town of Ray, Wyoming. Hilarity does not ensue, spoilers follow.

The movie doesn’t stink, but it doesn’t rock, either. It’s just kind of boring, really. Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant don’t seem to have much chemistry together. The distance between them seems to put a distance between them and the audience, and it’s hard to connect with either character. She is unforgiving, and he spends about the first third of the movie groveling. The only healthy marriage you see in the movie is Clay and Emma. Side note, Mary Steenburgen is 57 and seems to have aged very gracefully. And no, I do not still have a crush on her from Back to the Future III.

The only common theme I could find among the couple was that the men in the three male/female relationships you saw in the movie all showed their devotion to their partners by groveling, buying them things, and being obedient, and you didn’t see any kind of reciprocity from the women. On that note, Paul spends three months trying to get forgiveness for his unfaithfulness, while Meryl is upset that Paul doesn’t immediately forgive her the same day she reveals her own infidelity.

My advice: skip it, and don’t wait for it to hit DVD.

That’s got to be the greatest mixed metaphor ever, a combination of “rare as hen’s teeth” and “like pulling teeth.”

It’s kind of humorous, but I suppose it still could still be descriptive: not only is a task difficult, but it’s difficulty is now compounded by scarcity.

The only direct application I can think of would be for sasquatch wrestling, for not only must you wrestle the beast, you must first locate one.