Feb 21 2011

‘the Marital We’

My friend Kaleb, another logophile, coined this phrase. It describes the phenomena when a wife addresses her husband with a sentence beginning with, “We need to…,” and by this statement what she means is, “You need to….”

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Jan 19 2010

Chicks and nerds

I’m making a cudgel. For those of you who are not Howard Pyle aficionados, a cudgel is a heavy staff with which to deter or defeat enemies (those without missile weapons, anyway). The one I am making is only about four feet tall–perfect for a miniature nerd. Which is good, as it is for a miniature nerd.

The reason of course is obvious: to repel chicks. As anyone who has seen an average number of American movies can attest, chicks are attracted to nerds. Especially theĀ girl of your dreams–the one who looks like a supermodel. She may be attached to the jock with the Corvette now, but she’ll come around to see your quiet charm past your thick glasses, stupid hair, pudgy belly, and lame transportation–if you’re just persistent.

At any rate, my nerdy client plans to be wealthy and retire at 40, and he knows he can’t do that if he gets married and has a bunch of kids. You might be wondering: if thick glasses, stupid hair, and unreliable transportation won’t repel chicks, then why would a cudgel help? Also, if attraction is based on persistent pursuit, then why not just refrain from pursuing?

Understand, while the cudgel is designed to repel chicks, it’s not to be used on them. The idea is that when this particular nerd finds someone attractive and thinks about pursuing her, I will beat the fire out of him with the cudgel. It won’t necessarily work, but he will have to decide that being with this girl is worth whaled on on a regular basis.

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Jan 13 2010


Last summer we built a large set for our church’s Vacation Bible School program. While we were outside spraying our 100 faux stone blocks, my wife brought me a sandwich.

“Thanks, gorgeous!” I said

Another woman who was helping with the project said:

“I wish someone would call me gorgeous.”

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