Oct 6 2012

“Are you the Good Jimmy or the Bad Jimmy?”

The customer asked me this seriously, without the slightest bit of irony.

“My name’s Dan,” I replied.

The whole thing was rather curious. Jimmy was our lead tech at the time, and he is legitimately one of the nicest guys ever. For some reason the customer had gotten it into her head that 1) Jimmy was not nice, 2) I was also named Jimmy, and that 3), I actually was nice.

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Apr 10 2012


n., presumably means, ‘malfunctioning.’

A customer called the other day saying, “This darn computer is fizzlesprung.”

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Mar 15 2012

Disable stupid Lion feature

I used my first Mac in 1984 and absolutely loved it, and I’ve been using a Mac daily since 1997. At work I have the privilege of running a 24″ iMac, along with my standard Windows boxes running XP and Win 7. I recently installed Apple’s newest OS, Mac OS X 10.7 (Lion). It doesn’t offer any huge advantages that I can see over 10.6 (Snow Leopard), though it does finally support DFS, so now I can actually save files out to our group folder on the network.

Lion does come with one irritating ‘feature,’ though: the ability to have an application re-open the last document(s) that you had open when you quit the program. It is so annoying. You go to open a document, and now you have the new document and every document that you had open three days ago when you quit the program.

Anyway, here is a tip from OSXDaily for how to turn it off.

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Mar 3 2012

Wind beneath my wings

One time Kaleb and I went to work on a printer. While we were there, a young female doctor was in the room. The three of us bantered back and forth for a while until the printer was finally fixed and it began to spit out backed up print jobs.

Doctor: “You guys are the wind beneath my wings.”

Me: “Wouldn’t that be in the armpits?”

Doctor: “Smell it up, boys!”

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Feb 26 2012

“Yay! You have provided magic!”

This is what one of my customers told me this morning when I fixed her problem without actually doing anything.

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Feb 2 2012

Not always a technical problem

I was searching online for assistance with a Blackberry issue for work when I stumbled across this topic in a tech support forum:




I really have no idea why he posted this in a phone forum. Maybe he doesn’t actually want any assistance and he’s just venting.

The obvious solution is for him to tell his female to stop her yapping.

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Aug 2 2011

The difference

Customer: “What’s the difference between Windows Vista and Windows 7?”

Me: “Vista sucks and 7 doesn’t.”

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Apr 27 2011

Victory, pt. 2

As mentioned in a previous post, I assisted someone at work in getting their laptop connected to our wireless network. The user was Chinese, and I greeted her with a friendly nihau.

A few weeks later I was assisting a user in Personnel.

“I heard you are a valuable asset to our company,” she said.

That made me kind of nervous for some reason.

“How so?” I asked.

“I heard that you were able to help an employee recently because you spoke Chinese.”

I saw way too many sitcoms growing up to know what happens when you let this kind of thing go:

“Mr. CEO–the Prime Minister of China is here to donate several billion dollars, but we can’t find any of our Chinese-speaking users! What should we do?”

“I heard there’s this guy in I.T. who speaks perfect Mandarin. I’ll go get him!”

I’d rather they find out now that I only know how to say ‘hello,’ ‘beer,’ and ‘where is the bathroom?’ than wait until I’m in that meeting.

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Mar 31 2011

World Backup Day

Today is World Backup Day, when we celebrate by backing up the data on our computers.

In reality, you should be doing this regularly, but you probably aren’t. You probably have all kinds of lame excuses, like the cost of hard drives, you don’t have time, it’s too hard, whatever. Most people don’t take backups seriously until they lose a bunch of data, or lose a bunch of money by almost losing a bunch of data.

It might seem that I’m acting against my own best interest as an IT guy by exhorting you to ensure that your data is backed up, but it’s not true. You don’t see oncologists encouraging people to get cancer, do you? No. Our purposes are much alike in that we want things to be perfect, we don’t want to see people lose data or get cancer, but since it is inevitable, we try to minimize the pain, treat the symptoms, and hopefully cure the problem.

You don’t need to back up all of your data–just the data you want to keep.

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Feb 14 2011


A couple of months ago at work one of the secretaries brought a Chinese user down for some assistance with her laptop on the wifi network. The laptop had an English keyboard, but the OS was entirely Chinese.

“Ni hao,” I said, almost entirely exhausting the Chinese I learned at my old job.

“Oh, you speak Chinese!”

“Nope, I just know how to say hello.”

I spent about five minutes trying to figure out what to click, tried issuing English keyboard shortcuts, and finally went the slow point-and-click way through the My Network Places, which I could recognize by its icon.  Five minutes later, we were online.

The user thrust both arms into the air and yelled, “WICTOREEEEEEEE!”

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