Apr 10 2017

Quotable: Matthew Henry

“The devil’s instruments must share in the devil’s punishments.”

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Oct 29 2016

Overheard: 40 yr old woman

“The dryer smelled like cat pee. Inside the dryer.”

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Jan 21 2016

One More Ride: Chapter 7: Home

Norville took the long way home. It gave him time to think and to reflect, he told himself. It gave him time to avoid responsibility, he knew.

Norville was tired of being responsible. Not that he was tired of being held responsible for things, but simply tired of being reliable. Why couldn’t he have just stayed in perpetual adolescence like Fred? Sure he’d be living hand to mouth, but Fred seemed to do all right. He would just have to find someone more responsible than him to mooch off of.

“Responsibility sucks,” he thought.

The rain seemed to feel that its attempts to drown the entire county were inadequate, so it redoubled its efforts, buffeting Norville’s car with great sheets of angry water. The wipers tried and miserably failed to improve the situation, and visibility vanished. Norville’s pulled over to the side of the road and waited.

“I don’t know if I even have Daph’s number anymore,” he rationalized to himself. He checked his phone–her number was still in his Favorites, below Velma and above Fred.

“It’s not like I’ll get a signal in this rain anyway,” he tried. Then he tried the call.

One ring.

“She won’t pick up.”

Two rings.

“She probably–”

“Shaggy, is that you?”

Crap

“Crap.”

“What was that, Shag?”

“Sorry–had food in my mouth.”

“I figured as much. Why don’t you come down to the office? Maybe you’ll be ready for some lunch by the time you get here.”

Crap.

But he was hungry again.

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Jan 14 2016

Overheard: 35 yr old female

(speaking to me), “You would not want to be married to me!”

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Dec 31 2015

Overheard: Ian Hamilton

“I should tell you that it’s a double first for me to be here at this conference. First of all because this is the first time I’ve ever spoken at a conference in California and it’s the first time I’ve ever eaten a burrito.

I hope perhaps to come again to conferences in California, and never again to eat a burrito.”

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Jul 24 2015

Quotable: Russell Moore

“We don’t have Mayberry anymore, if we ever did. Good. Mayberry leads to hell just as surely as Gomorrah does.”

from Is Christianity Dying?

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Jan 21 2015

Supercalawhatever

“Supercalafragilisticexpialidocious, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious”

It takes a bold lyricist to admit when his song is obnoxious in the very lyrics of said song.

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Nov 25 2014

One More Ride: Chapter 6: Keys

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

Velma drove Norville back to his car parked at the cemetery. The rain had largely abated and was nothing more than a heavy mist. Norville prepared to retrieve his spare key from beneath the car.

“Can you hold this a minute,” Velma asked, practically shoving the pizza box full of leftover pizza into his hands and reaching into the back of the Jeep.

Before he could figure out what to say she had already slim-jimmed his door open and replaced the tool back in the Jeep.

Norville stood there, dumbfounded.

“If you could do that, why didn’t you do it earlier?”

“It was raining earlier, and besides, you looked like you could use a bit to eat,” she said, smiling as she wiped the mist from her glasses.

“I guess I owe you one,” said Norville, smiling.

“I guess you do,” Velma smiled back as she got into the Jeep “so go talk to Daphne!”

Velma put the Jeep in gear and pulled away, waving goodbye.

Norville wasn’t smiling anymore.

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Nov 17 2014

There’s Things You Don’t Know

A hilarious excerpt from M.D. McMullin’s visit to Walmart:

Recently, I had the privilege of overhearing a conversation in the shoe aisles.  I was looking at flip flops and couldn’t help but catch the conversation in the next aisle over.

Woman A:    We done talked about this before we got here and I said “NO.”
Man:                 Why not?! You never let me push the cart cause of that ONE TIME.
Woman A:    We’re not talking about this.
Woman B:    Just let him, it’s not a big thing.
Woman A:    Mama, No. There’s things you don’t know!

 

You can read his whole Walmart post at his blog here.

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Oct 21 2014

Quotable: Al Mohler

“America deserves the Osteens.”

From his article The Osteen Predicament

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